10 Top Tips to make CDC look like an idiot
by xxchanny.4.evrxx
Summary: Chad finds a website with 10 top tips to get that girl but when he tries them out things don't quite go as expected.Better than it sounds, please read.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hey, I was just emailing my friends when this thing just popped up on my screen saying 10 ways to get that girl. I closed it straight away seeing as I am a girl and that stuff is normally just a load of crap but it gave me an idea. Oh yeah, I don't own but I'm only saying that once. I can't handle typing it just once; I won't be able to every chapter. There's a pick up line I read in somebody's story that I'm going to use. Hope they don't mind.

Chad's POV

I was googling my name to see what the latest gossip was about the greatest actor of his generation when something caught my eye. I looked closely. 10 top tips to get that girl, hmm. I actually feel, I can't believe I'm saying this, sorry for the kind of normal average guys who can't get a girl in the blink of an eye like I can. All I had to do was turn on the CDC charm and they were falling into my arms. Well, there was that one girl, I guess. I looked around to check I was alone and clicked on it.

I read the first tip.

Try out a different style. Sometimes a change of appearance is all it takes.

What! CDC's appearance is already perfect! Actually, I guess it can't hurt to try but there is no way she'll like the new style better than the Chad Dylan Cooper style. After an hour of hard work, my stylist had finished. I was too chicken to look in the mirror so I headed over to So Random without my reflection. I just figured I couldn't actually look bad, I was Chad Dylan Cooper! Instead of my usual 11 out of 10 appearance, I was probably still a 10.

Sonny's POV

I was in the prophouse thinking of a new sketch idea when a voice interrupted my thoughts. "Hey Sonny, what happened to all your Chuckle City friends? Did they run away to the circus?"

"Cha- what happened to you!" I exclaimed in shock.

"Oh, just trying out a new look. Thought I'd go for something a bit different ya know. You like it?" he asked casually.

"Um well, it sure is different but Chad I think you should take a look in the mirror?" I advised him, but it sounded more like a question.

I took out a pocket mirror and handed it to him. Zora poked her head out of the vents and took a few photos of Chad. "These are so going on Tween Weekly!" she called out gleefully.

Chad took a look in the mirror. What he saw looking back at him wiped the smirk off his face.

Chad's POV

"Aaaaaaaaaah!" I yelled in a very manly that was not at all high pitched voice. My beautiful hair was spiked up and dyed black with red and green streaks in it. I had a clip on gold earring on my left ear; thank god she didn't actually pierce it. My eyes were covered in purple and black eye-shadow and eye liner. I had on that white powder stuff girls wear and a whole load of other clip on rings. My nails were black and I had a metal cuff around my neck. I looked like one of them gay emo rockstars!

The worst thing was, I'm pretty sure the weird girl, Dora or something like that, had filmed the whole thing. I started hyperventilating. "No. No, no, no! This does not happen to Chad Dylan frickin Cooper! This is all a dream, all a dream," I repeated, calming myself down.

"Chad, are you ok?" asked Sonny in a concerned voice but I'm pretty sure she was dying inside, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Oh my gawsh this isn't a dream! Oh crap! The whole world is going to be laughing at Chad Dylan Cooper! I'm going to be a laughing stock! This cannot be happening!" I whined, running back to my dressing room. When I told my stylist to change my look completely, this was not what I meant. Once I had calmed down, well as much as I could have, I got myself back to normal but I still had the hair. It had faded quite a lot though. The next morning, I got the new edition of Tween Weekly in the post. The headline? Chad Dylan Cooper gone goth? Tip 1: FAILED!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This story will have 11 chapters or that's what I'm planning it to have anyway. A chapter for each of the tips and then the last chapter. Oh there is this gadget you can download for your laptop for 50p in England which makes your computer talk. My sister thinks it's this person called Balahunya so whenever she asks me what I'm doing I say I'm writing an email to Balahunya. Ha guess you didn't want to know that, just thought I'd tell you anyway.

Chad's POV

I was trying to delete all the articles about me going goth when I remembered the website that had made the lies happen in the first place. I opened up my history and clicked the website name, then scrolled down to Tip number 2.

2. Use a really cool pick-up line. If it doesn't work the first time use another line. Try it until it works or until you get bored.

Cool. This one actually looked like it could work. I grabbed my baseball cap that I had been using to hide my hair until the dye went away and headed to Sonny and Blondie's dressing room. I just walked straight in without knocking and made my presence known. Thankfully, my agent had said the photo was fake so I was back to my awesome self. The articles were still up though but I had just been removing the last ones.

"Chad, ever heard of a thing called knocking?" she asked.

"If I could re-arrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together," I stated coolly.

She laughed and not exactly in a good way either.

"It's a good thing I've got my library card cos I'm checking you out,"

She stared at me like I was crazy.

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"Chad this is getting really annoying," she exclaimed.

"Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?"

"You still believe in Santa?" she asked, amused.

32 pick-up lines later…

"I hope there's a fireman around, cos you're smokin''" I said triumphantly.

She yawned extra dramatically.

I was running out of lines and that was not good.

"Umm, if you were a booger I'd pick you first?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Who knew that CDC had the lamest pick-up lines ever?"

"!" I said, getting my words all tangled up. "I mean, did you just fart cos you blew me away?"

"Chad get out!" she yelled.

"Why should I?" I fired back.

She glared at me and I legged it. "Sorry ma'am!"

I opened the door to my dressing room. Tip 2: FAILED!


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I know the last chapter was kind of bad but I only knew a few bad pick-up lines so sorry.

Chad's POV

I scanned the screen. I was on that dumb website again. My hair was a different shade of blonde from the colour it was before and if you looked closely you could see red and green dots but I didn't care. I didn't have to wear a hat anymore. My hair needed its freedom! I read the small writing.

3. Compliment her on EVERYTHING. Girls love to be complimented.

I read it a few more times. Huh. Sounded easy enough. I walked down the hall and bumped into just the person I was looking for. "Hey Sonny, I like your hair. It's like my dead pet hamster's fur,"

"Um thanks, I guess?" she replied.

"And you're um, your eyes. They look beautiful like that dog shit I stepped in yesterday," I said, insulting her by accident. Hey! I was just trying to be kind to dogs to show that I am not a puppy- shover.

"Chad, why are you acting so weird? And actually they're chocolate coloured!" she argued, trying to walk away.

I grabbed her wrist. "Sonny, wait! I like your clothes!" I yelled, trying to act normal.

I looked at her. She was wearing her Baby Waa Waa costume from So Random. Ooops. I decided to try the pick-up line thing again. "Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?"

She looked concerned. "Chad, I'm taking you to go see a doctor, now get in my car!"

I got forced into a doctor's office. "Hi, my friend, well not exactly friend, is acting really weird. He keeps saying weird things and a few days ago, he looked in the mirror and had some kind of breakdown," she told the doctor.

"Hmmm. I'm going to need you to leave the office," the doctor told Sonny.

She got up and walked to the waiting room.

"Now, Mr Cooper. Have you been having weird visions of sheep dancing in bikini's?" he asked.

"Um no, why?" I replied.

"Then get out, there's nothing wrong with you!" roared the doctor.

Chad ran all the way to Sonny's car where she was standing. She had left the waiting room ages ago.

"Please Sonny, take me home! The scary old man yelled at me!" he whimpered like a 5 year old.

When they arrived in the studio, Chad grabbed his laptop and looked at tip number 4.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I was just checking out some stories on here and I found this story. I was like lol isn't that my story? It looks different on there instead of word. Awww you know I just remembered it's the last day of the holidays today but I got a new laptop for my birthday last Friday. Oh and wat-the-fish-dudes reminded me to do the tip 3 failed thing I forgot about it. Will it still count if I do it now? Tip 3: FAILED! I'm gonna use her idea but change it around a bit.

Chad's POV

4. Follow her around everywhere. When she asks why say that you're protecting her. Girls will be flattered that you'd do that.

I thought about it. It wasn't a bad idea. I get to spend more time with her too. She would never protest, even Sonny wouldn't want to miss an opportunity to hang out with CDC all day. It was such a not bad idea (CDC doesn't call idea's good unless they work) that I woke up at 9:50 in the morning to drive to Sonny's.

I just got in my new convertible and drove over than, took the elevator to her apartment and knocked on the door. The door swung open, revealing Sonny already dressed and ready to leave. How early does she wake up! Doesn't she need her beauty sleep? Well, not really, she's already beautiful. What! CDC just said something a tiny bit cheesy. Chad Dylan Cooper does not do cheesy!

"Uh Chad?" she said, waving a hand in front of my face.

Oh. I realized that I had just been standing there looking like an idiot. "Hey Sonny," I said.

"Chad, why are you at my door!"

"I thought you might need a lift to the studio. Oh yeah, don't worry I'm back to normal now. Yesterday I was just acting, ya know cos I'm the greatest actor of my generation?" I replied.

She sighed before smiling again. "OK but if you act weird again I'm smashing up your car and you are so not that good of an actor,"

"Fine,"

"Fine,"

"Good!" I yelled but not in an angry way. More like an arguing way.

"Chad, people are sleeping now just get in that car," she whispered, glaring.

I forgot about that but I just acted cool and walked to where my car was parked outside and I drove her to the studio. I followed her around for about 20 minutes before she got annoyed. "Chad, why are you following me everywhere I go?" she exclaimed, exasperated.

"Um because I'm protecting you? Like you could get attacked and then I'd just like step in and save your life," I answered, hoping I didn't sound like an idiot.

"Yeah well you're gonna have to stop protecting me for a second. I need the restroom (AN: Is that what you call it in America?)" she said, doing that weird finger thing around protecting me and rolling her eyes.

"I'll come with you," I offered, before realizing that sounded just slightly stalkerish. "I mean, I'll wait outside?" I asked. Hang on, that still sounded stalkerish. This was awkward.

"Just stay here Chad, it's not like I'm going to get my foot stuck in the toilet and die, only an idiot would do that," she laughed.

"That's it I'm coming with you, it's dangerous," I exclaimed, remembering something.

"I'm not an idiot Chad. Wait don't tell me you got your foot stuck in the toilet now," she said sarcastically.

"Psssh no, CDC is not an idiot but be careful Sonny," I lied, watching her walk off.

Chad's memories of getting his feet stuck in the toilet

4 years old…

"Mommy help! Feet stuck!" I yelled, crying my eyes out.

7 years old…

"Mommy my feet are stuck," I said, trying to act cool.

14 years…

"Hey you over there aren't ya gonna help? The awesome CDC's feet are in a toilet!"

1 day ago…

"Oh great how do I get my feet out of this thing!" I muttered to myself.

Back to normal

"I am not an idiot!" I reassured myself.

"Hey Chad, I'm back. You know I don't need protecting so I'm going to leave now," she exclaimed.

The rest of the day I watched her from a distance but when it was time to leave I panicked and followed her home. I climbed up the pipe to get to her apartment window and knocked on it hoping she would let me inside.

Sonny's POV

My mom was working late today so I was at my apartment all alone which made me kind of paranoid. I was pretty sure I could hear a tapping noise coming from the window but I shook it off until I heard a voice. "Sonny open the window!"

My eyes widened. Somebody had come to murder me and nobody could save me. I can't believe I'm saying this but now I really wish I had let Chad stay with me. He could have fought them off. I grabbed an umbrella and tip-toed over to the window, breathing heavily. I closed my eyes and opened the window before attacking them with my umbrella. "Ha take that, you murderer and that!" I yelled whacking them.

"Ow, Sonny! Sonny, stop! It's me, Chad! Ow, Mommy help me!" he shouted.

I heard him but I was so terrified that it didn't register in my mind and I kept hitting him.

Chad's POV

"Ow, Sonny! Sonny, stop! It's me, Chad! Ow, Mommy help me!" I shouted but she didn't stop. I scrambled over to the window and grabbed the pipe. "I was just trying to protect you and you try to kill me. Nice one Munroe!" I added, slamming the window. The force made the pipe loosen from the wall. "Noooooo, no, no, aww c'mon!" I yelled. I slid down the pipe but when I was about 7 metres away from the ground, the pipe snapped and I fell into a prickly bush. After I had untangled myself, I walked home with my face stinging and my hands pricked.

Tip 4: FAILED!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hey you know I used to get really annoyed when people asked for a certain amount of reviews for each chapter so I can't believe I'm saying this but I need at least one review for a chapter. It's only because I discontinued my first story cos I got no reviews so I thought nobody read it but when I said that I got about 9 reviews straight away! I am gonna continue that one but school started today and I have hardly any free time so you're gonna have to wait longer for updates. Sorry :P

Chad's POV

"Ugh! None of these dumb tips are working!" I said frustrated, not realising I had said it out loud. That mail person stopped outside my dressing room.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

I waved him off. "Nah, just carry on giving people mail or whatever you do as a job, Jeff. Chad Dylan Cooper is always great," I answered, waiting for him to leave.

When he had reminded me of his name (I was too awesome to remember a mail guy's name) and left, I clicked on Tip Number 5.

5. Give her an awesome nickname. Not something dumb like babycakes, that's just embarrassing. Maybe something with her name in it?

Really, stupid website people, really? Oh well, Chad Dylan Cooper can make anything sound cool, even a dumb nickname. I took out my cell phone and chose Sonny's number off my contact list. "Hey Sonflower, how ya doin'?" I asked. Coming up with nicknames was easier than I thought. I just took a whole load of words with sun in them and changed it to son.

"Chad? How did you get my number? And why are you calling me sunflower?" she questioned.

"Why don't you like it? How about Sonbeam? Or Funny Sonny? No, how about Sonny Bunny?" I asked her, completely serious.

"Chad, please say you're joking!"

I smirked. "Ok I'm joking, but I'm lying by saying that. You know what, let's stick with Sonshine" I said.

"You know what Chaddy Bear? I like Sonshine but I've got even more nicknames for you. What do you think of Chadward? Nah that doesn't sound good, how about your normal name, Chad Goldfarb? That sounds better than any nickname I can give you,"

I panicked and hung up on her. The next day I walked onto the Mackenzie Falls set and everybody started laughing. And you know what; when I asked them what was so funny, guess what they said? They said, and this is their exact words, "Hey Chad, or should we call you Chadward Goldfarb from now on? I think you might prefer Chaddy Bear actually,"

The rest of the day, everybody, including my own cast was mocking me and you know the stupid lunch lady? She gave me that ick that everybody else gets and she spat in it right in front of me! Chad Dylan Cooper does not deserve to get treated that way! If it wasn't for the small grain of dignity I have left, I would probably be over at So Random, begging Sonny Munroe to put a stop to this. I'm guessing it will be about a week before this dies down and I get treated like a king again. After all, I am Chad Dylan Cooper. Hear that? Cooper, NOT Goldfarb. I'm so glad my step-dad has a cooler name. My real dad left on some cruise 2 years ago and I haven't seen him since. I've been dreading this but I guess I've gotta say it.

Tip 5: FAILED!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Hey, I've realised I'm running out of tips so if you give me some in a review, I might decide to use them. Anyway, I better start typing this out cos I've got to go somewhere in about 10 mins.

Chad's POV

I locked the door and made sure the window was shut before I sat down and clicked on Tip Number 6.

6. Tell her that you'd do anything for her, even if it's not true. Girls love that kind of sweet, mushy, romantic stuff. (If they ask you to do something for them straight after you say that, then you better do it, otherwise she'll hate you for lying to her)

I read it, and thought about what could happen. The worst she could do was make me flirt with some nerd off that sci- fi show, especially since they're all guys but nah. Sonny's too nice to do that.

When I saw Sonny with her clown friends from Chuckle City, I headed over to them and asked Sonny if I could speak to her alone.

She looked over at her cast, almost as if she was asking for their permission.

"Be careful Sonny! He might try and kidnap you to make us lose viewers!" they warned.

When we were alone, I looked her straight in the eye. "Sonny, you know I'd do anything for you, right?"

First, she looked confused but then she smirked. Hey! That's my thing.

"Anything?" she asked, with that look on her face that said 'I'm planning something and you're so gonna regret saying that'

"Uh yeah, totally," I replied, slightly nervously but I covered that up with my brilliant acting skills.

"Fine. I want you to go over to that sci- fi show, go up to the first nerd you see and you have to flirt with him. I'm going to be watching to see if you do it. You said you'd do anything for me," she said, innocently.

Great! What am I meant to do now!

"Fine!" I retorted, then realizing I was meant to be all sweet and romantic.

I walked off before we could start our fine, fine, good, good fight.

I asked some intern where that dumb sci- fi show is and got her to take me there. I walked up to the first nerd I saw. When I looked at who I had to flirt with, I felt sick. Maybe I should just chicken out. No! Chad Dylan Cooper is not a chicken. Now, I've just got to prove that I'm the best actor of our generation by pretending I'm gay and interested in nerds like him.

"Hey, hot stuff," I said coolly, mentally gagging. He was wearing a nametag that said 'Clive' on it.

The guy was wearing tight khaki's that were pulled right up, Henry Patty (AN: Harry Potter, Henry Patty is just what Chad thinks his name is) style glasses pushed right up to his nose and he had on scuffed neon green and silver converse with white socks that went right up to his knees. He had on one of them suit jackets that they used to wear like, 200 years ago and a bowtie, tied tightly around his neck. The nerd was really scrawny as well, with hardly any muscle at all. In fact, scratch that, no muscle at all. His light brown hair was slicked right back to the left so it looked like he was bald.

"Oh, it is you Chad Dylan Cooper. I love your show! You are so the greatest actor ever! I skip my documentaries about undiscovered life on other planets to watch Mackenzie Falls! Oh by the way, are you from Tennessee? Because you are the only ten I see," he said, in a nasally voice, snorting with laughter at the end.

Wow! This guy was a creep! Is he gay? Why is he flirting back! Sonny, help me!

"Yo momma hot, but you're way hotter," I said, making a note to throw up later.

"Well I do not even care about you're momma because I only have eyes for you. That's right! I do not like your momma! Am I a bad boy rebel or what?" Clive said.

"Well, Clive, baby, I've gotta go now but you can come to my house for dinner, my mom's making burgers," I said before making a run for it. I figured that he wouldn't show up because he didn't know where I lived but knowing that creep, he was probably stalking me.

I didn't know where I was running but it didn't matter as long as I got away from Clive. I bumped straight into somebody. "Hey, nobody bumps into Chad Dylan Cooper, watch we're you're goin- Oh hey Sonny, I told you I'd do anything for you," I said the last bit in a slightly nicer voice. She better appreciate what I did for her.

When she saw me, she started laughing. About 10 minutes later (I'm not exaggerating, I swear) she stood up straight and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I can't believe y- you actually did that! I was only ki- kidding!" she exclaimed, giggling a bit.

Great! So I flirted with some creepy nerdy, weirdo stalker guy and it was all a joke. Hang on, I feel a bit-

"I'll be back!" I yelled before covering my mouth and making a break for it. I'm pretty sure I broke some kind of record for throwing up today. I'm starting to wonder if trying out these tips is really worth it.

After I headed home, I said hi to my mom and dad and sat down at the table. Yeah, I'm only slightly over normal at home, don't act so surprised. When I was just about to take a huge bite of my homemade burger there was a knock on the door. Really? Who the heck would knock on our door at this time? My mom went to answer the door. I followed her, I was kinda curious. She opened it and swung the door open to reveal…

…the creepy, nerdy, weirdo stalker himself.

Somebody, please kill me now. Actually, don't, millions of teenage girls would die from heartache. "Who's at the door, Samantha?" called my step-dad. (AN: I don't know Chad's mom's name so I made one up)

My mom looked at me. "Do you know who this is, Chaddykins?" she asked me.

I panicked. "No, I've never seen them before! Please send them away mom!"

Yeah, I'll admit it, Chad Dylan Cooper is slightly scared and freaked out by a nerd.

She turned to Clive. "Sorry sweetie, you must have the wrong door number," she said, in a motherly way.

You know what I'm thinking now: WHAT- THE- CHAD!

How can anybody, especially my own mother, call him, SWEETIE! What is the world coming to?

"Chad, he says you're his friend? Is he?" she asked, sternly.

I shook my friend frantically, crossing my fingers behind my back.

"Actually, I'm his boyfriend, he invited me over," said Clive smugly, still in the nerd voice.

And that's how I got stuck, moving my burger around my plate with a fork, with my so called 'boyfriend' sitting way too close next to me for my comfort.

My mom told me that she thought I still liked that 'pretty brunette who I had a photo of from the secret prom'

I tried and convinced her that I was still into Sonny, but she told me that she didn't believe me and thought I would have better taste in guys. My step-dad wasn't talking to me. I tried my best to wait till Clive left but when he started leaning in towards me, something inside me just snapped and I totally lost it. I stood up. "Oh my Chad, people! Please, please, somebody get this freak away from me! He is not my boyfriend and I am not gay, I like Sonny Mun- freakin' –roe from So Random! Even if I was gay, I would never date that- that weirdo! Mommy help me please! It was all a dare, I invited him over because I didn't think he knew where I lived but he is a creepy stalker so he found out and HE IS EVIL!" I yelled, in full out breakdown mode.

My step-dad looked relieved that I wasn't gay with Clive and my mom just looked plain worried. I could feel my head spinning and my vision was getting a bit blurred, that was the last thing I remember before I passed out and hit my head on the ground.

I could hear voices calling my name, but it sounded like they were far away, almost as if they were in the background. I slowly pulled myself up. I looked around. I was on the couch and my mom and step-dad were standing next to me. "Chad, I'm sorry I didn't believe you!" cried my mom hugging me like one of those snakes I saw in my trip to the Amazon.

"I know, that guy is a creep. When we kicked him out, he yelled something about revenge but it was probably just a load of crap anyway," said my step-dad.

They just asked me lots of questions and I told them the whole story, leaving out the tips. I didn't want them to know about them.

When they left me alone, I ran upstairs and typed out 4 words on the computer screen. 3 guesses what it said?

Tip Number 6: FAILED!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Oh but I'm running out of ideas for tips so ooh! Hang on; I've just had an idea. I'll go to that stupid website thing that gave me the idea to write this story in the first place! If you want me to write a sequel to this then review. I'll give you a hint on what it's about. A certain creepy, nerdy, weirdo stalker wants revenge.

Chad's POV

I haven't tried out any of these tips for a while because I've been at home lying down. I got a pretty bad concussion from when I hit my head, that time Clive turned up here. Doctor says it's fully healed now. Great! That means I've got to try the rest of the tips now. Ya know, I wouldn't be surprised if Clive (yeah, it's kinda hard to forget his name people!) was plotting some kind of revenge right now. OK, I shouldn't have said that, now I'm getting freaked out and paranoid.

I covered up my window in case Clive was outside it and blocked my door. Then, I checked out Tip Number 7.

7. Make her jealous by going on a date with another girl, but when the date is over and she is going crazy with jealousy tell her you were forced too.

Hmm. I could make this work. I had to go on a date with a crazed fan who won a contest in a couple o' days; I could just call my agent and tell him to move it to today instead. Then after our date, I would tell my Sonflower that I had no choice and she would forgive me and fall right into my arms. I looked at my laptop screen. Huh. There's a note after Top Tip 7. I read it out loud.

Note: After you've tried the 7 tips so far, she should at least have a teensy crush on you. If she doesn't then you're hopeless. You will never be together and might as well give up on her.

What! I will never give up on the girl of my dreams! Wait a sec, I think all that dramatic Mac Falls stuff has gone to my head. I grabbed the notepad that I had written my agent's name on and dialled the number on my cell. His name was Dave? Weird. I'm pretty sure it was Mike. "C. D. Coop, what up Dave?" I asked.

"Not a lot, hey Chad? You know that fan that won the contest? I've got something to tell you abou-"said the voice on the other line.

I interrupted him. I didn't really care what he said. "Yeah, that's what I called you about. Can you arrange for the date to be today, ya know a lunch date?" I asked, well more like demanded in a questioning way.

He chuckled nervously. "Uh sure,"

"Wait!" I yelled, remembering Clive. "My date's a girl, right? I mean it's not a guy is it?" I asked.

"Um well it's definitely not a guy," he said. I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought I heard him mutter "But it's not exactly a girl either," but hey, I must be imagining things.

"Got to go!" he said, quickly before he disconnected the call.

Whoa, he seemed eager to get away but I guess I better go to work, so I can tell Sonny about m' date.

Sonny's POV

I was in my shared dressing room when Chad walked in. I hope he doesn't do something weird; he's been acting strangely for a couple o' weeks now.

"Chad? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Thought I'd just tell you that I'm going to be gone for a couple of hours because of my lunch date. You know, just so you don't get too worried about me," he said casually.

I frowned slightly. I had a slight crush on Chad, I mean, what girl didn't but I wasn't obsessed with him like some crazy fan girls out there. I got over it after a few seconds though and my huge smile was back on my face where it belonged.

"Oh well, have fun then. And FYI, I wouldn't be too worried about a jerk like you," I replied.

He pouted. "I'm hurt, Munroe. How could you be so cold? Hang on, I gotta go. I'm gonna be late and Chad Dylan Cooper is only _fashionably _late,"

With that, he left the room.

Chad's POV

This isn't working; she didn't look crazy jealous like she was meant to be. Well, I better get ready for my date. I headed to my dressing room and fixed my already perfect blonde hair. I dressed semi- formal to match the dress code but I ditched the tie. It reminded me of Clive.

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. You think about Clive way too much. Well, excuse me, what happened to me, happened to you then I'm pretty sure you'd be freaked out too. After I was ready, I admired myself in the mirror. I looked awesomely handsome but hey, when wasn't I? I went around the back of Condor Studios where my convertible was parked and climbed in. After I checked the directions to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet up with them, I looked in my side mirrors and started the engine.

10 minutes later, I got out, locked the doors and walked up to the fancy doors. Placing my trademark smirk on my face, I walked in and asked this waiter where my table was. She pointed to a table where a really hot brunette was sitting. Score! I gave her my autograph, and then sat down at that girl's table. She looked at me, confused. "Hey, girl. You must be the fan who won that contest? Lucky you, now you get to spend the day with Chad Dylan Cooper," I said, popping my collar.

She smiled. "Sorry, I think you have the wrong table. I'm here with my boyfriend; he's just chatting to one of his old college mates,"

She pointed to a tall guy with brown hair, and he looked kind of menacing.

"Pretty girl say wha-!" I exclaimed.

I need to lay off the Hannah Montana. Hey, did you know her and Miley Cyrus are the same person? I know right! Hang on, I'm confused. Is she really Hannah or Miley? Oh no, this girl's boyfriend is coming over here. I better go ask that waitress where my table is.

He glared at me. I stood up. "Dude, I was just leaving so see ya!" I squeaked.

I walked over to the waitress. "Um, can you tell me where my table is?" I asked.

She looked at this notebook she was holding. "Name, sir?"

"Um, it's either under Cooper or crazy fan girl," I replied.

She told this guy who was also a waiter to take me to my table. He was only about a year older than me and looked like the kind of person Chad Dylan Cooper would hang out with. He looked really sorry for me and when he led me to my table, I knew why. There was this old lady sitting there. She was about 120 years old, OK, maybe she was in her 70's and she had a scary- looking monkey thing on her lap. I looked at him. "I think you have the wrong table, the contest was for under 18's only," I spoke, panicking.

He shook his head. "Sorry, man,"

"Under 18's, Charlie's only 16 years old. I had to come with her though, there's no way of saying what this place would look like if she was alone," the old lady piped up, pointing to the monkey.

"Yeah, that," he pointed to the monkey. "Is your date for tonight,"

I looked at him helplessly. He passed me a note before walking off. I read it. It said: I left the back door open, if I were you I'd get out of here.

I slammed my hand on the table. I couldn't just leave them here, if they complained, I would get a lot of bad press. I sat down and decided to get this over with. Our food had already arrived and was on the table in front of us. "Hello monkey. Listen, I don't think you should eat all that food," I said, gesturing to the full table. The lady had ordered 2 of everything for the lady. The monkey shook its head and pointed to the monster of an old lady next to it. She was picking up each plate and stuffing her face into it, literally. "Her name's Charlie not monkey!" she yelled, belching loudly.

The whole restaurant looked at me pitifully. "This is great stuff!" she shouted, picking up handfuls of it and stuffing her fists in her oversized mouth. The monkey picked up a banana and smothered my face with it. About an hour later, my face was covered in banana, my gorgeous hair was ruined, and my clothes were a mess. I had discovered something: that lady was a pig!

The waiter came over to me. He whispered something. "Dude, the door's still open, get out of here!"

I stood up and strolled over to the back door and opened it but before I escaped, I yelled, "Peace out suckahs! Yeah, that means you monkey and pig!"

When I got to the studio, I ran to my dressing room and made my appearance perfect again. I changed my clothes, washed my hair, and cleaned my face. Then I went to see Sonny.

"Hey Sonny, just thought I'd tell you, that date was with a fan who won a contest and let me tell you, I did NOT enjoy it one bit. I'd like going on a date with you way better," I said winking.

I thought I saw her cheeks redden slightly, that made her look cuter than usual. Stupid cute!

When I got home, I put my feet up on the couch and smirked. The date was horrible but at least I was getting somewhere. Still, since the date was so bad, it completely cancelled out the getting somewhere bit so I guess I've still gotta say:

Tip Number 7: FAILED!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I need some tips because I checked that website and it just had dumb stuff like: act like Rob Patz or make yourself look good, which Chad already does.

Chad's POV

I clicked on Tip Number 8.

8. Get in touch with your feminine side. This doesn't mean you're not a man, it just means that you're sweet and caring which girls dig.

OH- MY- CHAD! Do people actually think this will work? I mean, how the heck are you meant to 'get in touch with your feminine side'? Dress like a girl, wear make- up and act like a girl? Actually, I can do that.

When I was in my dressing room, I decided to make myself look like a girl instead of my stylist. Remember what happened last time I relied on her for something? Yah, that didn't turn out good. I crept into Blondie's half of the dressing room and stealthily grabbed a whole load of make- up and shoved it into my pockets and then bolted back to my dressing room, ignoring the weird looks I was getting.

OK, so how do we do this? I had a purple shirt some fan had sent me in the post that I forget to get rid of and some dark blue skinny jeans. I had never liked skinny pants, they made your legs look all girly, a reason why I despised the Jonas Brothers. I mean the 3 older ones by the way. Frankie's cool.

Once I had put the above mentioned clothes on, I put on some light blue converse and got to work on my make- up.

I didn't want to overdo the make-up in case people thought I was metro, because I'm not. Chad Dylan Cooper is the manliest man you can find. I put on a very small amount of eye- shadow and I put on some lipstick but unless you looked closely, you would have no idea. I practised my girl sayings like "Oh my gawsh, it's Chad Dylan Cooper!" with a scream at the end and fiddled with my nails a lot. I was ready to go.

I placed my hand on my hip and went to see Sonny. "Hey girl, what's up?" I asked, taking my hand off my hip and making it hang loosely by my side.

She looked at me strangely. "Chad, are you OK?"

I scoffed. "Yeah, I'm fine but are you OK?"

I tried to be caring and sensitive but I didn't know how so I walked up to her and started awkwardly patting her hair. Strawberry and vanilla, that smells good.

She pushed me away. "Chad! What are you doing!" she exclaimed, smoothing her hair out.

I smiled sheepishly. "Being sensitive and caring?"

She rolled her eyes. "Gosh, you don't know how much you remind me of Tawni,"

I got confused. "Tawni? Is that your mom's name?"I asked.

She sighed. "No, my mom's name is Connie. Tawni is that blonde girl from So Random?"

I remembered I was supposed to be showing my feminine side. "Oh you mean Blondie? Ooooh, I have an idea. We could go shoe- shopping at the mall sometime!" I attempted a girly squeal.

She looked at me oddly. "Chad, what the heck is wrong with you?" she asked slowly.

I told the half- truth. "My agent told me to try and get rid of my bad- boy image by showing my feminine side,"

She burst out laughing. "Chad, they were wrong, you are funny! Thanks for making me laugh!"

She stopped giggling and turned to face me. Thank Chad she thought I was kidding. You know what? This stupid feminine thing can go rot for all I care.

"Yeah, you looked like you needed some cheering up," I replied, in my normal Chad Dylan Cooper way.

She looked relieved but then got this thoughtful look on her face. She moved closer to me and looked straight in my eyes. I could feel my heart start beating faster. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown, I never noticed that before. Hang on, what is she doing? She traced a finger across my lips. Was she going to kiss me? I hope she does. I might just give these website people a signed picture of me to thank them. I closed my eyes, but opened them after a few seconds when nothing had happened. Huh?

"Sonny?" I asked. She had stepped back again and was looking at me weirdly.

She giggled. "Chad, are you wearing make- up?" she asked loudly, causing everybody to stare at me weirdly.

I chuckled nervously. "Pshhht no way. Chad Dylan Cooper does not wear make-up," I stated weakly before running off.

Tip Number 8: FAILED!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I wasn't going to update this story for a couple of weeks because I had no ideas but with the help of LyssalovesCailey's tip and Google translate; you got your chapter 2 weeks early. If you don't know what Chad and Sonny are saying, open up Google translate. Do you wanna know something? Yesterday, we had to pick a movie character to come to school as and I decided not to dress up and just wear normal clothes. The younger kids all came as princesses or superheroes but in my grade, the closest thing to a costume was a plain orange shirt and a cardboard mask. So everyone was like, this looks pretty normal. Then, one of the popular guys came in dressed as Superman! Lol! It was hilarious. He said his mom made him but seriously? What kind of lame, pathetic excuse is that? Weird thing, he still played it cool even though he was dressed like a first- grader. He had an actual store- bought costume! I don't even know why I'm writing this. It's Saturday today and I got the flu so I'm lying down typing this. I was feeling a bit weird yesterday but I still had to go school. That totally stinks. Yeah, I'll start writing the story now. But before I do, I don't own anything.

Chad's POV

I realized I wasn't being a jerk and self- absorbed as much as I was before so after I had made sure everybody knew I was still the same Chad Dylan Cooper, I read Tip Number 9.

9. Compliment her in a different language but make sure she understands what you're saying. This ties in with the earlier thing about girls loving compliments.

I guess I could easily write down some compliments off the internet in a different language but what if Sonny doesn't speak any other languages? How am I meant to find out if she does? Wait a second. In the second season of Mackenzie Falls, Mackenzie disguises himself so he can find out what kind of gifts Penelope would want. (AN: Is that who Mackenzie's love interest is? I'm not sure.)

He does that by pretending he has a project on what kind of gifts girls like and is doing research.

Perfect. I've just got to change my project to 'What kind of languages girls speak?' and I was ready to go. Now for my disguise. I had fired my old stylist and hired a new one. I went to find her. She was on her break so I checked everywhere until I saw her. Finally, I sighted her eating fro- yo in the commissary (AN: Is that what you guys call a cafeteria? I'm confused :P). I walked up to her and got her attention. "Hey Megan! I'm not paying you to eat fro- yo and relax, so find me a disguise and quick. CDC doesn't wait for anybody!" I exclaimed.

She spun around surprised. "Uh, my name's Allison, that's not even close to Megan," she said quietly.

I rolled my eyes. "Do I look like I care? Just make me look different!"

Hang on, her name was Allison? Wasn't that Sonny's real name? She can't just go around stealing my Sonshine's name! I decided to fire her after she had found me a disguise.

We went to the Falls set and she asked me what kind of disguise I wanted. "OK, there are a lot to choose from. The first one is the creepy nerd. I'm gonna guess that you don't want that disguise?" she looked at me.

I shuddered. I nearly forgot about Clive too. "No way, what other disguises have you got?" I asked.

She thought for a second. "There's the Zac Efron wanna- be," I covered my ears. "The athletic dog- trainer," (AN: Big Time Rush?) I shivered. I would never want to train the monsters. If anybody here heard that thing about me being a puppy- shover, it's not true! It just came for me with its teeth bared and I just gently nudged it to the side.

"Some other disguises are: clown, a girl or just making one up as you go along," she continued.

"Yeah, Katie, I'll go with the last option," I replied.

"My name's not Katie!" she whined.

"Like I said before, do I look like I care Gemma?"

I'll admit it, I was just annoying her on purpose now. It was hard to forget what her name was when it was Sonny's real name.

She sighed, giving up. After a while, my disguise was complete. I didn't make the mistake of not looking in the mirror this time. When I saw my reflection, I smirked. I didn't look bad. I was wearing a dark brown wig that looked totally real and green contacts. I didn't like the clothes choice though. It was a blue short- sleeved shirt with a grey jacket on top and dark blue jeans with dirty white sneakers. To top it off, I was wearing a baseball cap but I hated sports. Chad Dylan Cooper doesn't do anything dangerous. I got Chaz, my stunt double, to go to a basketball game a couple of times so nobody knew that.

I looked in the commissary and found Sonny there. I walked up to her. I decided to not act all full of myself so I wouldn't blow my cover and talk nicer. "Hey, just wanted to ask a few questions," I said.

She turned around and smiled at me. "Sure," she replied.

I smiled back. "OK, it's for this dumb assignment we got in class. First, what's your name?"

"Sonny Munroe, hey what's your name? You never really told me, I was just wondering," she asked.

I thought for a second. "Dylan. Anyway, second question, are you a girl or a boy?" I read off the paper Allison (stylist, remember?) had given me.

"What the- what kind of question is that?" I said, annoyed.

She laughed. "Next question?"

I looked at the next question. Finally! "Do you speak any other languages?" I asked.

She got a thinking look on her face. "I can speak Spanish,"

Yes! Now I've just got to get away without making her suspicious. Maybe I could have a little fun with this.

"Have you had a crush on anybody recently? This is still part of the assignment, don't worry. I'm not sticking my nose in or anything," I said.

She blushed and turned around. "Um, w- wha- oh look, I'm late for rehearsal, see ya later Dylan!" she exclaimed, before disappearing.

I smirked before taking off my baseball cap and wig, forgetting everybody was looking at me. I hurried back to my dressing room and took out my contacts before changing into my Mack Falls uniform. Now I've just got to find some compliments in Spanish off Google translate. I found Google translate on my computer and set the language to Spanish from English. I typed in some compliments on it and wrote the Spanish down and how to pronounce it. Well, I'm not gonna lie. I didn't do any of that stuff. Skylar did. I forced him too. Then I walked to the prophouse and leaned against the doorframe. "Hey Sonshine," I said, looking at my notebook, getting ready to speak a different language.

She looked at me. "What do you want Chad?" she asked.

"I was just thinking when I realized that my favourite random doesn't know much about me. Like, I bet you had no idea I can speak lots of languages," I said.

She looked surprised. "Do you know Spanish?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Say something then," she challenged.

I smirked, looking at the notebook. Skylar had written down a lot of stuff.

"Yo soy el peor actor que el mundo ha visto a un mi programa es mejor sin un cerdo como protagonista"

She looked at me. "I never thought you'd admit it! I think so too,"

I wondered what I had just said but I carried on reading the stuff out loud.

"Mi cabello se ve como si alguien vomitó en él, pero ¿por qué tienes un mapache muerto en la cabeza?" I carried on, smirking.

"What did you just say?" she asked.

I got confused but I kept reading.

"Prefiero besar a la dama del almuerzo y luego ir en cualquier lugar cerca de usted. En comparación con usted, que está caliente!"

She looked at me and laughed. "Your jokes stink Chad,"

I looked at my notebook. Maybe I was pronouncing them wrong?

"No mires a nadie. Ellos piensan que es Halloween,"

She glared at me. "Por lo menos yo no soy un cerdo jerkface como tú! Pensé que ha cambiado, pero usted todavía un idiota!"

What does that mean! She's replying in Spanish. What shall I say back? Hey, I'll just keep reading.

"Oye puedo tener una foto de usted? Puede ser que necesite para asustar a un asesino fuera algún día," I said.

She started walking towards me.

I quickly read the last sentence off the list in my notebook.

"Tu eres mi chica perfecta. Nadie puede decir que soy feo cuando estás más feo!"

"Vete Chad! ¡Te odio!" she said angrily, before she walked up to me and slapped him before she stormed off.

I went to go find Skylar. He was in the meditation room. I got his attention and he looked at me. "Skylar, what the Chad did this mean?" I asked furiously.

He looked at me. "Dude, it wasn't even that bad. She just took it the wrong way. You were right about her being a diva,"

"She slapped me then started crying and ran away," I stated.

"Look on the bright side man. I heard that girls only get that upset if they like the guy,"

That cheered me up a bit so the next day I went to talk to Sonny.

When I asked her what happened yesterday, guess what she said?

"Hey Chad. Yeah, I knew it was a joke. I just slapped you because I felt like it,"

OK, she didn't say exactly that but you get what I mean.

So I have a bright red hand print on the side of my beautiful face for no reason. I was feeling annoyed so I decided to do what I normally did when I was alone in my dressing room. I locked the door and closed the window but I completely forgot about the vents.

I put on my favourite movie ever since I had gone to see it with my cousin, Mary, Martha, Melanie? (Yeah, I don't know my own cousin's name,). I grabbed a big tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough and sat down on the couch. If you're wondering what it was, the film was Twilight. In the background, I played Taylor Swift and in the end, I ended up ditching the movie and rocking out to Taylor Swift.

Then something bad happened. Like really bad. I'll give you an idea of how it happened:

I was on standing on the top of the couch, dancing. "_But she wears short skirts, I wear t- shirts, she's cheer captain and I'm on the blea-AHHHHHHHH!_" I had yelled.

I had done a 180 spin in mid- air and came face to face with somebody's head sticking out of the vents. I had lost my balance and crashed into the ground. I must have fainted because when I woke up, I wish I had kept my eyes closed.

I opened my eyes, and found myself looking at…

…Clive's face. Way too close to mine then I would have liked. "AAAAAAAAAH! SWEET MAMA! HOT POTATO! BARNEY BEAR! BIG DADDY! SOMEBODY PLEASE FREAKIN' HELP ME!" I screamed, very girlishly.

Clive moved away from me. I stood up and ran towards the door but Clive dived onto me to stop me from moving. Just then, the door swung open to reveal Sonny. Her face turned bright red. "S- sor- sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you," she said, before leaving. I'm pretty sure that door was locked before.

Then, I realized what an awkward position I was in. I was on the floor with Clive on top of me. Crap.

My eyes widened. "Get off me!" I exclaimed.

I was a lot stronger than Clive so I pushed him off me and went straight to security. Then I realized that I needed to call the FBI. "Hello is this the FBI? This is an emergency! I've ran out of hair product!" They hung up on me straight away.

I told security but they didn't believe me. I had to walk home in the rain, and look behind me every 5 seconds to make sure Clive wasn't there.

Tip Number 9: FAILED!

AN: I'm glad this story is nearly finished because I don't think It's any good anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: The story is nearly over so I might start thinking about the sequel. I can't believe people reviewed saying the last chapter was good because I really hated it. It just didn't move along right. Oh and LyssalovesCailey, I checked out the website. It wasn't really helpful but it made me laugh so thanks! Won't be long til' the summer's gone, get your party on!

Chad's POV

This is the last tip so I really hope this one works.

10. Dude up and go tell her that you like her! If you do, you might actually have a chance.

I can totally do that. After all, I am Chad Dylan Cooper, the greatest actor of our generation and star of America's No. 1 tween drama. In fact, I'm so confident; I'll go tell her right now! Or maybe tomorrow?

"No dude, go tell her now!" I said to myself, getting a lot of weird looks.

I took a deep breath and went to find Portlyn to ask her what to tell Sonny. I found her eating fro- yo and looked at her. "Portlyn, can I ask you something?" I asked.

She turned around, delighted I was talking to her. "Yeah!" she said, maybe a little too eagerly.

I began to talk. "You see, I like this girl. She's got pretty brown hair and she's cute, and I want to tell her that I like her. So what shall I do?" I asked.

Portlyn's eyes gleamed and she squealed. "Yes! Yes Chad, I'll go out with you! I just knew this day would come!"

She jumped on top of me. Oh my Chad, what is she doing! She's crazy!

"Portlyn!" I yelled.

She looked at me. "Yes Chaddykins?"

What! Nobody calls me Chaddykins and gets away with it! Except maybe Sonny but she doesn't count. "I don't like you! I like Sonny!" I exclaimed, pushing her off me.

Her face turned to one of hurt and she looked at me with a broken expression. "Y- You're breaking up with me for that stupid ball of sunshine?"

"Don't call Sonny stupid! And we were never together in the first place," I said before storming off to find Sonny.

She was in the prophouse thinking of sketch ideas. I walked up to her nervously. "Hey Sonny,"

She looked at me. "Chad. Sorry about last night, y' know. When you and your boyfriend were making out? I didn't mean to walk in and it was really embarrassing," she said, her face turning bright red.

She turned away, not making eye contact.

Huh? What the hell is she talking about? I'm straight. Oh no! Clive!

"Um, Sonny? That wasn't my boyfriend. It was a creepy, nerdy, weirdo stalker who crawled in through the vents," I said.

She gave me a look of understanding. "Ohhhh, that's why you were yelling a bunch of random stuff,"

I nodded. "Sonny, I need to tell you something,"

She looked at me.

"Ok, you know how I've been acting weird lately?" I explained.

"What, you mean like when you insulted me in Spanish, dressed all Goth then screamed when you saw your reflection, followed me around everywhere and flirted with a nerd because I asked you to? Noooooo, that wasn't at all weird," she said sarcastically.

I looked down for a second. "Yeaaah, you see, I was acting like that because I was following these tips off a dumb website," I explained.

She looked confused. Sonny was cute when she was confused. Stupid cute.

"What kind of website?" she asked.

"The tips were to get a girl to like you," I continued.

"Well, who was the girl?" she questioned.

Was it just me or did she look… jealous?

I panicked. "Uh, she has pretty brown hair,"

She looked upset. "Oh, so you like Portlyn then. Well, you can go tell her now,"

I slapped a hand to my head. "No, it's you Sonny," I blurted out.

She looked at me. "Wha-?"

I sighed. Maybe I should have just chickened out. "I really like you Sonny,"

She hugged me. "Really Chad?"

I nodded. "Do you wanna go to that new food place tonight?" I asked.

She looked like she was thinking about it.

"Eres un idiota, pero frente a Chad seguro," she said.

I gave her a blank look.

"I knew you couldn't speak Spanish!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

I looked at her. "Yes and Chad? I like you too," she said.

I smiled a real smile and looked at her. "Wait!" yelled two voices. I turned and looked at them. It was Clive and Portlyn but I didn't care. I leaned in towards Sonny and pressed my lips to hers but immediately pulled away when something happened that I didn't expect.

That was gross! There were no fireworks like I expected and I covered my mouth feeling sick. When I opened my eyes, I realized why. It wasn't Sonny I had just kissed. I looked at the person who had kissed me. It was Clive! Portlyn had Sonny in a headlock and Sonny was looking at me grossed out. I was so shocked, I felt like puking. Portlyn must have grabbed Sonny, and Clive must have stood where she was standing. I can't believe this! Chad Dylan Cooper just kissed a guy! Oh my Chad, that was disgusting! God, will somebody please help me! Mental note to self: Brush teeth until I collapse.

I ran over to Portlyn and freed Sonny. I grabbed her hand and I climbed into the vents, with her following. The next thing we saw from inside the vents was hilarious. Portlyn and Clive started arguing. This is sort of how it went.

Clive: In yo face! I kissed Chaddykins and you didn't!

Portlyn: Only I can call my Chaddykins that!

Then they both just dived at each other and started wrestling and Clive was getting destroyed!

I started cracking up and so did Sonny. Then she leaned in towards me. When I felt her lips on mine, I nearly had a heart attack. Let me just tell you something, that was a thousand times better than what I thought it would be like. I think I heard Clive say something about revenge but I wasn't listening. Only one thing mattered now and it was that I had finally got Sonny!

Clive's POV

I will get my Chaddykins back if it's the last thing I do. I'm leaving tomorrow but I will be back and when I am, I'll be in disguise and they won't know what's hit them! My mother is calling, excuse me I have to leave but they've been warned. That Sonny girl has to go and I'm prepared to do anything to make that happened. Mwahahahah!

AN: This is the end of the story. I know it's not that good but I really wanted to give it an ending.


	11. AN

AN: Hey, guess what! The sequel to this story is now out. I conveniently named it 'The sequel' so you shouldn't have much problem finding it. Except, I have no reviews yet so I'm really not sure if anybody's read it yet. I'd really appreciate it if you went over and reviewed it. Another thing, this may seem dumb, but I don't know how to PM people. I can reply to a PM somebody's sent me but I can't actually PM them. Can somebody tell me how you do it? Anyway, do you think I have no views because of the name of my story?


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